Time to take a step back . . . and relax

This book promotion thing can get a person down. Sometimes you just need to kick back and relax for a while. Get a fresh perspective on things.

After coming down with food poisoning for a few days, and no, it wasn’t my wife’s cooking, I have decided to take my insurance agent’s advice concerning my bottle of Absinthe that I purchased from France to help me celebrate.

I originally had planned to pop the cork when my book was published, but for some strange reason I didn’t feel much like celebrating. Then I was going to celebrate when I sold my first 100 books. Still didn’t feel it. Next was receiving my tenth 5 star review on Amazon. That didn’t do the trick either.

And then the other day my friend and insurance agent, Marci (another coincidence; she’s French and so is my fictional character, Henri Richaud) gave me a great idea for drinking that bottle of Absinthe. While I was lamenting the fact that I haven’t cleaned the house in over two months, Marci shared with me her secret.

Her preferred method of cleaning a house from top to bottom is to start early in the afternoon with a bottle of wine. By the time she finishes the bottle, she is also finished cleaning the house. And the wine helps put her to sleep after a long day of cleaning. 

Due to my size, Marci says a bottle of wine probably won’t suffice. But a bottle of Absinthe? Now that would be just the ticket, and it’ll solve both my problems: a dirty house and an unpopped celebratory bottle. And when my book hits the NY Times bestseller list I can take my wife to Paris and have a proper celebration.

So that is my plan for today. I will pop the bottle of Absinthe at 2PM Central Standard Time and drink two shots an hour for the first two hours, followed by one shot every hour thereafter . . . subject of course to modification at the author’s discretion. And when I wake up tomorrow, I’m just going to kick back and relax. Maybe go to the lakefront or visit the Art Institute. Have a few Tacos Carne Asada and a glass of water (I figure I will be hung-over from the Absinthe).

And if you don’t hear from me for a few days? That means the house was dirtier than I had thought.

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About authorwilliamcrawford

A graduate of Northwestern, William Crawford began telling stories at the age of five to his cousins late at night while on family vacations in the Great North Woods. This quickly progressed—if you can call two decades quickly progressing— to political satire. In 1996 the author created a parody on the OJ Simpson saga; My Search for the Real Killer, not by OJ Simpson became a minor cult classic. The author’s real ambition was to become a novelist. Over the years he developed several storylines. Once he retired from his safety position in government he turned that ambition into reality. The result is the Floating Man, a mystery thriller that takes place in the past and present replete with psychosexual overtones and historical figures and events that are woven into a story of love, discovery, ambition, greed, death, and redemption.
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4 Responses to Time to take a step back . . . and relax

  1. Robert Kacic says:

    Keep up the good work, and make sure those ice cubes beware!!!

    • Oh my God. I’m cured of drinking. That absinthe is the worst stuff in the world. It’s like rubbing alcohol with a couple sen sen thrown in (for those of you not familiar with sen sen, they are little grey tabs that taste like a horrible licorice).

  2. Joe Napoletano says:

    Hmmm good plan,I just drink without cleaning….um yes my house is clean, that’s what Saturdays are for , salute’

  3. First thing I’m going to do when I become a successful author is hire a maid. Absinthe is definitely not the way to go.

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